Back by Popular Demand

(well, by Glenice and Susie, but they’re popular!)

Revenge of the College Essays

 

A few days back – last week I think – I gave you excerpts from the book Non Campus Mentis, look there for proper legal citation stuff.  Remember, these are real!  Oh, girls – these aren’t from the old blog.

 

If you disagreed with the church you were accused of hear say and treated to excomunication.  An important example of this was the Catheter movement in southern France.  Members of this group were feared as possibly lethal. (I’ve always feared Catheters.)

 

Medieval builders gave God his usual chair in the church roof.  In a Romanesque church the stone roof is held up by a system of peers. (Stone roofs have peers?)  The usual design was a long knave split by a crosshair. (Ouch)  Without the discovery of the flying buttock it would have been an impossible job to build the Gothic cathedral.  (Yeah, those flying buttocks were a great discovery)

 

Two hundred years of rule by the Tarts explains why Russia became so backward.  The McDughal Empire grew on the Indian submarine continent.  Certain tribes of India practiced voodoo innuendo.  (huh?)

 

In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were perpendicular.

 

Women were nowhere to be found. (which is bad if you are lying around perpendicular for nothing)

 

Escaped peseants could be free if they went to a city and hid there for a hundred years and a day. (Really, you think that would work?)

 

Monks failed to practice morals between their prayers.  The Council of Constance failed to solve this even though Constance herself tried very hard.  Followers of Wyclif were known as Mallards.   (Constance, quick “duck”!)

 

Machiavelli, who was often unemployed, wrote The Prince to get a job with Richard Nixon. (Tricky Dick strikes again.)

 

Henry VIII divorced his original wife, who had become old and impregnable.  Elizabeth I was eventually the daughter of Henry the Ate.  Mother to Elizabeth was Ann Beau Lynne, wife of the moment to Henry VIII. (Got that?)

 

As queen, Elizabeth was the foremost monarch of the Elizabethan era.  In 1588 she calmed her soldiers during a Spanish attack by assuring them that she shared a stomach with her father. (And his was certainly big enough)

 

Charles V spent most of his reign aging. (I hate when they do that.)

 

This was the beginning of Empire when Europeans felt the need to reach out and smack someone. (So that’s when it began.)

 

Francis Drake was permitted by Queen Elizabeth to sail the seas and find illegal things to do with the Spanish. (Oooh, Antonio Banderas?)

 

Columbus came to America to install rule by dead white males over the native peoples. (We now refer to them as Dead Presidents)

 

 And finally, as always, what I consider the best of the day.

 

Balboa was first to lay down his eyes on the Rocky Mountains. Dick Cavett was the first European to visit Newfoundland. Cabot discovered the Netherlands and codfish.  Captain Cook found many continents while deliberately on exhibition and located the perfect navel spot near Africa’s bottom.

ROFL!!! These are a riot!

I know - I just love them. We all need to laugh like this every once in a while. Maybe I'll make every Wednesday "funny" day - would make hump day easier.

I love that last one :)

Those bloody Tudors were enough to confuse anyone!!

I'm glad I could make you laugh today - I think you needed it.

Holy moly!!! Those are too funny!!!

So, now we know where Rocky Balboa got his name :) :) :)

Although I think my favorite is the one where Henry VIII divorced his original wife...and Elizabeth was eventually the daughter of Henry of Ate...took me a minute to get that one!!!!

Feeling better?

Yes, I'm feeling better. I'm about to go take my nap. As you can tell by the time that this entry was posted I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

I should have just gotten up. I was awake too. I had a really hard time sleeping last night! I was just so COLD!!!! And you know me and the cold! :( that is your ball of wax not mine :) I would trade you weather in a heartbeat! You would love it here today...cold...only about 60. not real sunny...partly cloudy...

LOL!

Glenice - hush your mouth Yesterday we were 17 degrees warmer than normal. It is now 90 - end of discussion.

How funny and yet how sad ? I bet half the people reading this (I don't mean us, of course or anyone who buys the book LOL) don't even know these are total bloopers. Some of them, I can't even figure out what they are supposed to mean, e.g., "perpendicular". It's really scary . Well, I'd better not get on my . If I do, I'll never get . Thanks for the laughs of my last 24-hour period, sure didn't have many others.

Oh boy, is the move going badly? I'm glad I could make you laugh.

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